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Category Archives: Cruel Cruel World

Bootleg Hungry Hippos for the Homeless

We had a Toys-for-Tots drive at work and I peeked inside the box to see what assortment of goodies the needy little monsters could expect. I was immediately shocked and dismayed to see that one of the donations was a […]

God is My Perky People Killer

So, you would think that if you have a bumper sticker that says God is My Pilot, I’m Only the Co-Pilot, you’d be a better freaking driver. Seriously, cause I’m clueless as to why God was having such a tough […]

Edible Redneck Magic Wands

I just saw two dudes at Target wearing matching Iron Maiden shirts with corresponding “how many points does a penagram have?” hairdos. Unless I missed the memo that the New Haven green over by Yale was having a Concert in […]

Jalapeno Burns of the Ethiopian Obese

There’s a gym on the way to my new job that has a large sign outside advertising a 1-dollar per day membership fee. I refuse to join any establishment that feels the need to equate my mandatory monetary contributions to […]

Slippery When Wet

I stopped by Marshall’s earlier today to pick up a couple of t-shirts. What should have taken just a few minutes ended up lasting an eternity due to the ever so thoughtful guy in front of me, who happened to […]

Handcuffs and a Ball-Gag

I was getting more aggravated by the second. My appointment was for 7:15, and here it was almost 2 hours later with the only work done being a couple of quick x-rays. I was supposed to be getting a crown, […]

Wal-Mart Crack Whores

4 Things 1 Someone said to me today that there is nothing worse than a Summer cold. I politely beg to differ. The top 2 items on my list of things that are worse than a Summer cold are, not […]

Movies for Blind People

At the movie theatre earlier today I was at the front of the line to get some nachos and a soda when I noticed a blind woman with her mentally challenged friend, and they were having a tough time making […]

GetRDone Baby Jesus

A short time ago, near a trailer park far far away, a woman gave birth in a Wal-Mart. A more heartwarming way to be welcomed into this wondrous world of ours I couldn’t fathom. I can only begin to imagine […]