Copyright 2015 Jesse Gersten | All Rights Reserved.

Etheopian Pocket Rocket

Some of my favorite recent television moments

moment 1a and 1b

The waning moments of Independence Day, when America figures out how to destroy the aliens, eliciting joyous celebrations from around the world. Cut to a group of African tribesmen jumping up and down, waving their spears in the air. One thing is for certain, if they showed another country saving the planet, the movie would have lost all credibility because it would no longer be at all realistic. Kudos to them for getting that right. I also have to wonder who took out the UFO hovering in flames over the fertile grasslands of Africa. Did one of the stronger tribesman throw a spear and hit the UFO in its Achilles heel, or was it the work of the world renowned Ethiopian Air Force.

Earlier in the movie, while the president sends off the astronauts with a speech heard round the world, they show the same group of spear holding tribesmen watching through the window of the local electronics shop (I believe it was a Best Buy), listening intently to the wise words of the American President. In the background a dingo is seen gnawing on a Zebra carcass.

moment 2

Every boxing referee has his own unique way of starting the fight, such as “Lets get it on!” or “Lets go!” or “Lets have at it!” This past weekend, in what is now officially ranked as my all time favorite referee boxing intro phrase, the ref said, “Lets get Poppin!” I truly expected the boxers to have a break dance battle with Doug E Fresh on the beat box.

moment 3

On the hit TV show “Cops”, an officer asked some guy if his girlfriend smokes crack, and his response was “I don’t know”. Now there’s a guy who really knows his girlfriend. He must give the best gifts for Christmas, like football tickets, beer, and porn. Her birthday present was probably the privilege of getting to go with him to a strip club to watch him get a lap dance. Now, I can understand not knowing unimportant things, like your girlfriend’s favorite color, parent’s names, or what she named her favorite pocket rocket, but you would think that you might have some semblance of an idea about whether or not she smokes those sneaky little crack rocks. One hint might be the way she asks to borrow eight dollars every couple of hours, after which she disappears until it’s time to ask for eight more dollars. And he must have thought that her hat that says I Love Crack was either just a joke, not unlike the super-funny I’m With Stupid hats, or maybe she has a serious butt crack fetish. The second idea actually makes sense because she “accidentally” clogged the sink 3 separate times just so she could stare at fresh middle-aged hairy plumber crack. The plumber never came back after she wouldn’t stop asking for eight dollars.

Comments (1)

  1. Grain Burns on the Knees « Jesse Gersten

    […] Black Ethiopian Porn – This has me wondering why someone felt the need to specify a particular race. He must have been safeguarding against the possibility that his valuable self compu-loving time could be wasted by some selfish white Ethiopian sharecropper who moonlights in the burgeoning east African porn industry. If you’re not turned on by highly visible skeletal structures and grain burns on the knees, then you’re probably better off watching the circling flies engage in consensual copulation. […]