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Tennessee high school newspaper seized

OAK RIDGE, Tennessee (AP) — Copies of a high school’s student newspaper were seized by administrators because the edition contained stories about birth control and tattoos, stirring a First Amendment debate.

The administrators were upset because the birth control tips included 5 ways to make your chicken less attractive and interestingly enough, how to use soap, which many girls in Tennessee find to be an offensive scent, and an even more offensive sitcom.

Administrators at Oak Ridge High School went into teachers’ classrooms, desks and mailboxes to retrieve all 1,800 copies of the newspaper Tuesday, said teacher Wanda Grooms, who advises the staff, and Brittany Thomas, the student editor.

They couldn’t have been hard to find since none of them were actually being read at the time. Being a newspaper editor in Tennessee is about as pointless a job as the one held by Mayor McCheese.

The Oak Leaf’s birth control article listed success rates for different methods and said contraceptives were available from doctors and the local health department. Superintendent Tom Bailey said the article needed to be edited so it would be acceptable for the entire school.

The first steps would be to eliminate multiple syllables, make the text much bigger, and add pictures and cartoons. Or better yet, get just rid of all the words and just have cartoons.

The edition also contained a photo of an unidentified student’s tattoo, and the student had not told her parents about the tattoo, said Superintendent Tom Bailey.

It’s understandable that she didn’t want her parents seeing a tattoo of 50 Cent lying naked across her belly.

“I have a problem with the idea of putting something in the paper that makes us a part of hiding something from the parents,” he said.

That’s nothing at all like articles about Columbine which give god loving kids the idea to make secret bombs in their bedrooms with the intention of blowing up all the kids who have tattoos and use birth control.

The paper can be reprinted if the changes are made, he said.

The girl plans on having a thong tattooed over 50 Cents big black penis.

“We have a responsibility to the public to do the right thing,” he said. “We’ve got 14-year-olds that read the newspaper.”

In Tennessee? I’m not sure that anyone is reading the newspaper, much less 14-year-olds. They should worry about 14-year-olds being able to read stop signs and the labels on meth cooking ingredients.

Thomas said she wasn’t sure about making changes. “I’m not completely OK with reprinting the paper,” she said.

In other words: Don’t you dare cover up that beautiful chocolate sausage.

First Amendment experts were critical of the seizure.

I don’t know that you should call it a seizure every time an uptight white guy has an orgasm when he gazes upon rappers testicles.

“This is a terrible lesson in civics,” University of Tennessee journalism professor Dwight Teeter said. “This is an issue about the administration wanting to have control. Either the students are going to have a voice, or you’re going to have a PR rag for the administration.”

His name is Teeter. That’s hysterical. His kids would be Teeter Tots.

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