Copyright 2015 Jesse Gersten | All Rights Reserved.

Feeder Mice for Ankle Mouths

$110 hamburger lands on Jakarta hotel menu

JAKARTA, Indonesia (Reuters) — A hotel in Indonesia is dishing out a hamburger that costs more than twice the monthly minimum wage in some parts of the country.

I’m not certain why I’m reading about a hamburger that costs 2 chickens.

The $110 hamburger offered by the Four Seasons is made of Kobe beef with foie gras, Portobello mushrooms and Korean pears — served with french fries, of course.

Well, I can understand why a hamburger made from the meat of Kobe Bryant would be so expensive. He’s one of them famous celebrities. I wonder how much it would cost to eat a Paris Hilton burger? Probably much less, maybe one chicken, considering it’s free to watch her being eaten. (As long as you have access to the world-wide-web, even with the 3g that those broke ass Indonesians have to endure. I wonder… do they also have dinosaurs and DVD players?)

They’re not exactly selling like hot cakes yet, but the hotel says it has sold 20 of the 1 million rupiah ($110.10) hamburgers since they were launched this month.

That’s probably because not many people in Indonesia know who Kobe Bryant is, and hot cakes are typically made out of celebrities that are more well-known over there, such as Oprah or the little kid from the Indiana Jones movies. As a side note, I must say that Oprah hotcakes are sweeter and have less of an aftertaste that Kobe Bryant Burgers, although neither holds a candle to Sally Struthers Sausages, which are so meaty you’d swear the bone grows new meat faster than you can devour it.

“One burger has 225 grams of Kobe beef. It is so expensive because the flavor is really different,” said Erwan Ruswandi, the chief of the restaurant offering the gourmet burger.

Anytime you’re spending that kind of money on something that’s sold by the gram there should be a risk of jail time and you should wake up having forgotten something very bad that you did the previous night.

“The calves in Kobe get special treatment … they drink beer mixed with milk, vitamins and eat pesticide-free grass. We add foie gras and also some Korean pears. We import all the materials, and they are high quality, so it is so expensive.”

Kobe Bryant’s calves drink beer? I wonder if that helps him jump so high. Does he inject them or do they have tiny little mouths on them, like Roseanne has on her ankles? Although Roseanne’s ankle mouths don’t drink beer. They’re kinda finicky. They only eat macaroons and feeder mice. They also sing camp songs while she sleeps.

The minimum wage in most parts the country of 220 million is as low as around $40 a month.

See, you bastards! My earlier guess of 2 chickens was actually pretty close. Shame on those of you who laughed.

A tiny number of Indonesians are among the richest people in Asia, while millions live in dire poverty in urban slums or shanty towns in the countryside.

Yeah, that’s way different than everywhere else in the world, where most of the people are really rich and there are just a select few poor people who live under the bridge and only get by with the few gold coins collected from travelers who correctly answered their riddles in order to cross the bridge.


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