Firstlee – I dropped my car off to be violated by my mechanic and had to walk two whole miles to get home. I now have no choice but to trick an ugly girl into being my girlfriend so I can get rides home in situations such as this, and other times like when I [...]

We had a Toys-for-Tots drive at work and I peeked inside the box to see what assortment of goodies the needy little monsters could expect. I was immediately shocked and dismayed to see that one of the donations was a game called Hungry Hungry Pooches. Really? Did China run out of plastic hippos to export? [...]

So, you would think that if you have a bumper sticker that says God is My Pilot, I’m Only the Co-Pilot, you’d be a better freaking driver. Seriously, cause I’m clueless as to why God was having such a tough time navigating a Dodge Neon through a football field sized opening to the right of [...]

I just saw two dudes at Target wearing matching Iron Maiden shirts with corresponding “how many points does a penagram have?” hairdos. Unless I missed the memo that the New Haven green over by Yale was having a Concert in the Park featuring Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath, and Norah Jones, hosted by Stephen Hawking, I’m [...]

With only a few hours left before Easter is over, I’m super excited to announce the 2nd annual Easter Egg Hunt for the Homeless. To avoid any confusion, the event isn’t designed to actually help homeless kids, so much as give them something fun to do to keep them out of trouble, with the lure [...]

There’s a gym on the way to my new job that has a large sign outside advertising a 1-dollar per day membership fee. I refuse to join any establishment that feels the need to equate my mandatory monetary contributions to how much it would cost to feed an Ethiopian child. I’m all for having healthy, [...]