Thing One Conversation from last night: Me: “Hey, how fresh is that ink?” Not Me: “It’s a few years old. It looks really dark and puffy because I’m allergic to black ink.” Me: “Oh, well that was brilliant then, getting that big tribal tattoo.” Not Me: “Thanks.” Me: “No problem. I don’t blame you. Fuck [...]

They should definitely make these non-toxic. That’s a disaster waiting to happen. And it’s not going to have a long wait. If the circumference of your equator warrants this particular purchase, at some point you’re going to slip in the shower, after which you’d end up going into starvation mode after a couple of difficult [...]

Here is but a sampling of the strange accidents, injuries, and occurrences that make up my so called life. This list is by no means complete, but for today it’ll have to make do. Happy Birthday to Me! The second I bit into the Jalapeno Popper that I had just seconds earlier taken out of [...]

I spent some time last summer at Revere Beach, just north of Boston, and a wee bit west of 1985. Revere Beach is tied for the grimiest beach on the planet with whatever unfortunate body of sand that’s currently being corrupted by the douchbaggery emitting from the feet of any particular Jersey Shore cast member. [...]

I was awoken at the ungodly hour of five this morning by my giant, constantly hungry feline, who wouldn’t stop meowing until I got out of bed to feed him. With him always trying to eat people food, and being so obnoxiously loud and furry, I’m starting to suspect that the fur is actually hair [...]